A Rolls and an Arrest: A KUA epilogue
by KeepingUpDisappearances
Summary: Richard, with Hyacinth in tow, is taken back to the police station after (per Hyacinth's insistence) he "test drive" a Rolls-Royce-without the showroom employee along. Being humiliated before is bad enough, but what will happen at the station? Epilogue to the episode 'The Rolls-Royce'.


Hyacinth Bouquet had never felt this humiliated in her whole life. Falling off of the yacht, missing the launching of the QEII, having Daddy run away or her sister chase after the married vicar-that all seemed so minor in comparison to this.

This all flashed through Hyacinth's mind as the police surrounded the shining Rolls-Royce and Richard stepped out, a look of shame and horror on his face. Hyacinth did not exit the car, aware of the stares of the gathered crowd-and Mrs. Lydia Hawksworth, who had "shown her up" in the flower show just the day before.

The fact that Richard was getting the worst end of this mess didn't occur to Hyacinth. All she knew was that her dream of besting Lydia Hawksworth were in shambles. Really, it was such an overreaction on the part of the Rolls-Royce showroom people. They should have seen that Richard was quality stuff and merely taking the car out for a test drive. After all, how could anyone tell if they wanted to buy a car if they couldn't put it through its paces?

"I really am very sorry," Richard was saying meekly. "My wife just wanted to try it out."

"I'll still have to take you two back to the station," the officer was saying. "We need to straighten things out and get it all recorded."

"Hyacinth!" Richard called. "You need to come with me. This officer is going to give us a-er-lift down to the station."

Hyacinth shuffled out of the Rolls, scarcely daring to look at anything but the ground. Riding back to town in a police car always stood out to Hyacinth like some bizarre nightmare. And it was all Richard's had to be.

"It was very careless of you to let yourself get arrested, Richard," Hyacinth said disapprovingly.

"I didn't let myself. I was just listening to you," Richard answered coldly.

"And that was all very well. I appreciate your obedience. But you should have acted more executive and dignified when that showroom man was talking to us when we first saw the Rolls. You didn't give the impression that you were going to buy the it."

"But we weren't going to…"

"That doesn't matter," Hyacinth retorted airily. "He needn't have known that. But you still should have had the aura of one who wouldn't steal a car. You were too mousy-voiced again, Richard. In retrospect, it did seem very shady."

During this whole conversation, the officer was fighting to keep his professional demeanor, torn between laughing at Hyacinth's delusional attitude and wanting to express some pity toward Richard. He was relieved when they arrived at the station, and everyone was hustled in for questioning.

"This is Officer Ryan," the officer who had taken the Buckets back said. He moved a discreet distance away, but listened in on the conversation, pretending to be engrossed in organizing a filing cabinet.

"Mr. Bucket, what were your intentions when-" Officer Ryan began.

"It's pronounced Bouquet," Hyacinth interrupted in her most snooty voice.

"What were your intentions when you took the car out, Mr. Bucket?" Officer Ryan persisted, as Hyacinth's eyes narrowed.

"Richard, this officer is insulting you!" Hyacinth said. "He pronounced our name wrong again!"

"Hyacinth, it's Bucket. It was always Bucket until I met you. And right now, that's the least of our worries!" Richard snapped in an unusual show of temper.

"You must excuse my husband's temper, Officer Ryan," Hyacinth said in her inimitable sickly-sweet voice. "Things stress him out more now in his-advancing years."

"Yes, Mrs. Bucket. Now, if we could get on with this…"

As Hyacinth sat in mute indignation, Richard told the story "plain and true", sticking to the facts. He admitted that he should not have listened to Hyacinth and that he was terribly sorry for the whole mix-up. Officer Ryan, who had given Richard several pitying looks, only issued him a warning and a directive to pay for the gas that the Rolls had used up on that fateful trip. This, however, was still too much for Hyacinth!

"I don't see why you're being so hard on my husband," Hyacinth opined, her nose in the air and a withering look in her eyes. "He simply took the car farther than he meant to. Poor dear, he does need more guidance. I should have made my directives plainer."

Officer Ryan turned a laugh into a cough.

"Well, Mr. and Mrs. Bucket, you're free to go," he said, and Richard could have sworn he said 'Bucket' with great deliberation.

"How rude," Hyacinth said to Officer Ryan. "I think I may talk to your superiors about how you haven't taken care to remember how our last name is pronounced."

Richard hurried her out the door, and he called a taxi so that they could go to the Rolls-Royce dealership and drive their own car home-their plain, sensible, fully paid for car.


End file.
